Acknowledge Me...Please?

 I've had a recent surge of administrative issues at my school, mostly to do with my mentor seemingly having forgotten it was her job to mentor me. Basically, I was under the impression that if I had a question, I asked her, and if there was something I needed to do, she would tell me. Considering that every time I asked her for help she would conveniently forget I had asked her until I gave up, and that the only thing she would ever tell me to do is make lists of all the activities I do, I thought that teaching 16 periods per week, running the English Language Society meetings, publishing a monthly English newsletter, running weekly English contests, hosting a weekly English Day with games and activities, posting a monthly English Bulletin Board, and teaching a weekly yoga class was more than satisfactory.

As I've worked hard every day that I've been here on these activities and lesson plans, I have just figured that the administration's lack of appreciation and acknowledgment of my efforts was just a cultural thing, and I didn't let it bother me. I was having fun, the kids loved me, so what did it matter if the administration didn't care? They're not why I'm here. But, the past month has brought on a whole mess of issues that I could no longer ignore. I started being criticized for almost everything I did... 

"Why don't you teach from the textbook?"

-Well, my job is NOT to teach from the textbook.

"Why are you late every day?"

-I only come late on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I don't have class until the afternoon and I was TOLD by the principal that this was ok.

"Why aren't you at assembly?"

-Not only do I come to assembly but I make announcements at assembly three times per week!

"Why haven't you started any activities yet?"

-I have started MANY activities (and then I proceed to list them off).

Being asked these questions every day, answering them every day, and being stared at afterward with the same look of confusion and disapproval was starting to ware on me. Not to mention the cultural remarks that under normal circumstances I can deal with, but with the added criticism were driving me mad (eg "Why do you laugh so loud?" or "Why do you eat rice with a fork?").

I have been utterly confused about why all of a sudden the administration had no idea what I was doing, and seemed to not believe me when I told them. None of the other ETAs seemed to be having this problem. In fact, from what I hear, I have been doing a lot more activities than many of the ETAs, especially the Imtiaz kids who aren't given time to do many activities. SO WHAT WAS GOING ON??

Well, today, I was eating lunch with my foster mom, Kak Zam ("Sister Zam"), who is also the vice principal. Now, I absolutely LOVE her, and she has always been one of the kindest people to me here, so I don't include her when I say "administration." So as we are eating, she asks me if I could type up a list of my activities so that she can present it to the State Education Department on Thursday for an ETA  meeting. I had just done this for my mentor, and assumed that she had already given it to Kak Zam and the principal. So, very calmly, I told her I had done it and that I'm sure my mentor would give it to her soon. Kak Zam said that she'd like to see it, so I brought over my laptop and showed her the document- a 3-page matrix detailing what activities I'd done, which ones I planned to do, a description of each one, and an estimated cost.

"We had no idea you were doing any of this!"

-What?

"We thought that you just came here and taught classes."

-But what about the activities proposal I gave my mentor in January, and all of the activity reports she's had me write up for you? What about the newsletters I've done? What about my announcements at assembly? Surely you figured that I wasn't just saying things, that I was actually following through...

"We never received any proposals or reports. No one every gave us a copy of the newsletter."

Basically, I thought my mentor was actually doing what she said she was doing, and passing on all of my work to the administration. I don't know what they made of my announcements at assembly, but apparently they had no idea I was doing any work. I am partly relieved that maybe the critical abuse will stop now, but I am pretty frustrated. You'd think that any professional administration would apologize to me and immediately switch me to another mentor, but instead they told me just to go to another English teacher as my de-facto mentor, because they didn't want to confront my mentor and "deal with her," as they said. So, now, I must pretend that my current mentor is still my mentor, when in fact my official mentor will be someone else.

They also said that the English Teachers and I were supposed to be having frequent meetings, led by my mentor, in which a different teacher would be assigned to each of my activities as a point person for me to go to. This was the first I'd ever heard of this. I had been going to my mentor as the point person for everything, and she was just as helpful as a second bellybutton. I figured I was in it alone, which would have been fine with me save for all the criticism I was getting.

I didn't get an apology or anything, but I'm hoping that I will no longer get the evil eye. The most hopeful aspect of the day was that after this meeting in which we discovered my mentor's delinquency, Kak Zam turned to me and said, "Thank you." This is the first time I've heard those words in weeks, so that felt pretty good. We'll see how things pan out.

Thanks for listening.

Escape to Phuket

Not that we needed another break, but about 4 days after coming back from Vietnam, Ez and I jet-setted off again to Phuket, Thailand to see our beloved high school friends Julia and Kiyomi. Talk about a weekend in heaven... Phuket is beautiful, but I have to say, the highlight of the trip was getting to see my girls after many months of missing them, and enjoying time together just relaxing, eating amazing Thai food, and of course being silly. I think our Thai cultural experience will be more authentic when Ez and I go back there in June and spend a whole week, so this trip was mainly for some beach time and friend time. That being said, it was probably the most cultural tourist trap I've ever been to thanks to Kiyomi- her Thai is pretty amazing and everywhere we went she struck up on conversation, so I felt pretty special just being near her.

On Phi Phi Island

Anyways, we only had 4 days there (including travel days, so really only 2) so we tried to pack in the fun. Our first full day, we bought some sweet breads and fresh fruit and headed down to Kata beach for breakfast. Despite the throngs of rosy tourists lining the shore, we were in heaven, and stayed that way until dinnertime, marveling at the warm turquoise water and unnaturally tan Europeans in our midst (how do they even get that color?).

Julia and Me

After visiting a smaller beach and having chicken and green papaya salad for lunch, we went swimming in the pool at our incredible guesthouse and pretended we were middle schoolers again, splashing and causing a raucous as onlookers wondered how old we were. Ezra sat that one out, preferring to listen to his ipod pool-side.

Kiyomi orders our green papaya salad

The next day, Kiyomi organized a boat tour for us to a few of the islands off the coast of Phuket. Along with about 40 other tourists, we were whisked away first to Maya Bay, where they filmed the movie "The Beach," and then to Phi Phi Island, unfortunately most well known for its destruction during the 2004 tsunami. Along the way we saw monkeys (not as fun for Kiyomi and Juj who were directly under the scared little monkeys being fed bananas...) and were able to snorkel and sunbathe on various beaches. We were pretty exhausted and sunburnt that night, so we rested up, ate another delicious Thai meal, and went to bed.

Kiyomi at Maya Bay

Ez coming back from snorkeling

Saying goodbye to them on Saturday and going back to Malaysia was hard for me. After basically having a two-week break from teaching, I couldn't imagine going back to my responsibilities and the various administrative issues I was having when I left. But, now that I'm back, I actually do feel a little bit like I've come home, so that was a surprising and welcomed feeling. Of course teaching in another country is trying, more so the relating to the teachers and administration than to the students, but I have settled here and it is a blessing to feel comfortable in such a different place. Ez and I will be doing less traveling now in order to save some money for our big trip to China in May, so for about the next 2 months we will be in Malaysia completely immersed in our jobs. I will try to post just as frequently, but please email me because I miss everyone and want to hear how you are!

Phuket pictures have been posted!

Love,

Sarah

Ghosts of Vietnam

Apologies for not posting sooner-- traveling in Vietnam gave me a lot to think about, and I just haven't had the time or energy yet to express my thoughts. Today is a good day for writing though, so let's begin:

After a long bus ride to Singapore and then a short flight, we arrived in Ho Chi Minh City, aka Saigon, on Friday the 7th. Peter and Fay picked us up at the airport bearing a sign with our names on it so we could find them:

I suppose you would have to be avid Sarah/Ezra blog readers in order to understand that, but luckily we were so we knew who they were looking for right away. It was great to see them, and so much fun to travel with them as we found out over the course of the week. We started our adventure off by exploring the streets of Saigon, most notable for the hoards of motoscooters that cover the streets and sometimes the sidewalks.

Driving there is the most insane thing I've ever seen. I thought it was bad in Malaysia where pedestrians just have to make a run for it before the car gets to them first, but in Vietnam you basically have to play frogger in order to get to the other side of the street. It definitely makes it exciting! The city itself was really cool. The streets are lined with food vendors selling pho (noodle soup) and baguettes, and more than half of the people you see wear the conical straw hat that you've often seen in movies. More so than any other country I've been to, just at first glance I really felt I was in a new place. The first thing we did was to visit Reunification Palace (formerly Independence Palace before the North won the war and reclaimed this South Vietnamese government building and turned it into a museum and tribute to Northern Victory). We had an excellent tour guide who kept making funny jokes, such as, "This is the former president's office. You see that he has two telephones, a pink one and a red one. The red one, of course, is for his wife. And, well the pink one is for his mistresses!" Then of course, she would poke fun at the men in our tour group ever so often, asking them how often they use their pink telephones.

Reunification Palace

Brief interlude: Although Saigon is a modern and bustling city, both Ez and I couldn't help but feel surrounded by ghosts. We couldn't stop thinking about the war, and how only 33 years ago this city was an entirely different place. How many people had died here? How many people had suffered? In the States, we learn about the Vietnam War as if it were ages ago, giving us the feeling that it has long been forgotten and forgiven. In Vietnam, however, the "American War," is fresh in the minds and hearts of the Vietnamese, and in some ways, is still going on. Before we even spoke to anyone about it or even went to a museum, we felt this to be true. While we had an amazing time there, we felt these ghosts wherever we went, making it a very humbling experience.

So, the next day, we visited a small town North of Saigon called Cu Chi, where the Viet Cong Guerillas built an underground tunnel system during the Vietnam War from which they hid from the Americans, as well as attacked them in the jungle. I had mixed feelings about being there. On the one hand, the tunnels were fascinating, and it was fun to watch Ez, Fay and Peter crawl into them and then out the other side looking traumatized after a dark 90 meters (I would have been too claustrophobic to do it).

Ez entering the tunnel

But, on the other hand, I started to feel the "ghosts" again pretty strongly, and couldn't help but think about how I was standing on the very ground where thousands of people had died, and brutally at that. At the Cu Chi tunnels, they told us about how Americans had dropped bombs and raided villages, indiscriminately killing innocent men, women, and children as they hunted the VC. Not surprisingly, this has left a legacy of bitterness towards Americans. Not towards us directly, as everyone was very kind to us, but to the past Americans who reminded them of darker times when everyone knew at least one person, usually more, killed by an American bomb or soldier. However, whether they meant to or not, the guides at the Cu Chi tunnels also made me realize just how terrible the war had been for American soldiers as well. After seeing the tunnels and traps the guerillas had set for them, we saw that they really never had a chance. The VC were ruthless, brutal warriors that rigged the jungle with spears and traps, and as the guide spoke about this, I couldn't help hearing a bit of pride in his voice that turned my stomach. He spoke about these death traps with a sense of triumph, and although I understood that this was a war, and that in war people kill, it was uncomfortable to hear. Ghosts and awkward comments about "the American enemy" aside, I learned a lot about perspective from going to Cu Chi, and that is something I am very grateful for.

Fayette at a much smaller entrance

The highlight of our trip for me was going on a three-day tour of the Mekong Delta. We had a private tour-- just the fours of us, a driver, and a guide. The 3 days were filled with boat rides, tropical fruits, and plenty of noodle soup. It was a great way to get a feel for current life in Vietnam, as I felt the ghosts leave us as we toured the Delta. Our first stop was in My Tho, where we took a rowboat to a coconut candy factory, a fruit farm and a bee farm for tea and a traditional Vietnamese singing performance.

On the rowboat

The next day we visited Can Tho, where we had breakfast at a floating market and watched the vendors float by selling piles of mangoes and pineapples. We also visited a rice noodle factory, as well as a fish farm where hundreds of fish greeted us as we threw them handfuls of fishfood.

Mango vendor at the Can Tho Floating Market

On our last day, we went to Chau Doc and visited a place called Sam Mountain very close to the Cambodian border. We climbed to a hillside Buddhist temple called the Cavern Temple, where we could look out over the countryside and into Cambodia. It was gorgeous. The Delta area of South Vietnam felt very peaceful, and I was glad to see this "other side" of the country.

Looking out over Cambodia

Back in Saigon, we did one last stop at the War Remnants Museum, and as I expected, the ghosts returned. The museum basically affirmed what I had suspected about the war not really being over. It was a difficult experience, but I was glad that I could go through it and reflect on what I had seen. One exhibit was about land mines. All over SE Asia, and especially in Cambodia and Vietnam, land mines continue to affect people today. Whether they were planted by Americans or Vietnamese, the point is that innocent children who weren't even alive during the war are still being injured and sometimes killed by these horrendous contraptions. Also, something I have never even thought about; Agent Orange, although used over 30 years ago, is still causing deformities and disabilities in children being born today. This is something that I think the U.S. must acknowledge, if not apologize for. Everywhere we went in Vietnam, we saw people who were disabled and deformed, including children. Here is a caption from this exhibit:

Click on it to make it bigger

Basically, the museum helped me realize even more how terribly pointless and inhumane war is. I struggled throughout our trip with feeling angry at my country's history and guilty for being American, and also frustration for being blamed for atrocities that the Vietnamese also committed on American soldiers. But then, after the museum, I realized that it is all awful, and that it is all understandable. Nobody was right, and everybody was wrong to do what they did. Both sides have a right to blame the other side for what was done to them, and in my opinion, everyone deserves an apology. There is no excuse for dehumanizing our fellow human beings in order to massacre them guiltlessly, and that was done on both sides.

The museum also had an exhibit on international protests against the war, including those from the U.S. I was very glad to see this, and felt that Vietnam understood that it wasn't all Americans who condoned the war. So, to those of you in the 1960s and 70s who protested the Vietnam War, maybe you realize this already, but your efforts are perhaps the only reason why the Vietnamese can even look an American in the eye today. I think this region of the world would have been a very different place if you hadn't seen the injustices that were going on on both sides and done something about it. Thank you.

From the Protests Exhibit

On our last night in Saigon, the four of us celebrated our successful trip with cocktails atop a fancy hotel with a great view and then a five-course meal. We had a great time together, so much so that we made plans to travel again together for 10 days in May. We will be joining Fay and Peter in Hong Kong and then Mainland China! I'm pretty excited for that.

Fancy Farewells

As we left the Ho Chi Minh City Airport on Friday the 14th and flew back to Singapore, I felt the ghosts had left us, and had left me with a greater awareness of how the world really works. My trip to Vietnam gave me a wonderful opportunity to spend time with Ez, Fay and Peter, as well as an opportunity to understand history in a new way. Despite the horrors, the guilt, and the frustration, I am thankful for this new understanding.

I have posted new photos, and four new videos. Take a look! Also, I have a new section to the right called "Travel Maps." Click on the link Places We've Traveled in SE Asia to see where we've been so far.

Love,

Sarah

PS- I just found out that today is the 40th anniversary of the My Lai Massacre...how strange. This article (although it's CNN) kind of gives you the feeling I am also trying to express.

Revelations in KL

I normally wouldn't dedicate an entire blog post to the experience of only two days of events, but our trip to Kuala Lumpur this weekend deserves it I think. Not because we did anything that spectacular, but because it gave Ez and I a chance to reflect on Terengganu and appreciate our experiences so far.

We got into KL last Friday at 4:30am. After finding the monorail station about 15 minutes away and waiting until 6am for it to open, we hopped the first train to Bukit Bintang. The deserted streets of KL's "fashion district" seemed almost surreal as we made our way, in the dark, past the neon lights boasting "BeBe" and "Chanel," and of course a 7-Eleven on every corner. We had been there only 7 weeks earlier, yet our first home in Malaysia seemed like some strange abandoned amusement park. When we got to our hostel, of course it was closed, so we sat down on the steps and waited until 7am, when we were able to leave our bags there and head out on the town.

First stop: the Petronas Twin Towers. They are currently the second largest building(s) in the world, but soon-to-be third once Dubai finishes construction. Strangely enough, they don't look that tall to me, but they definitely are beautiful. We were able to get up to the sky bridge that connects the two towers, on floor 41 of 88. Floor 41 seemed fairly high, so I'm sure the top would be pretty ridiculous.

Us on the Sky Bridge- 41st Floor

Next stop: Lunch in Little India. Lonely Planet told us about this great Indian place, so we set off to find it, our mouths watering at the thought of non-Malay food. Unfortunately, not only did it not exist, but apparently Little India didn't really have any Indian food restaurants we could see, and we got too hungry to look any further. So, we settled for Malay food, which was very good and very familiar. We also got to see the Masjid Jamek (the Jamek Mosque) which was absolutely gorgeous. Ez took this fabulous picture:

Jamek Mosque

Next stop: Mid-Valley Mall to see a movie. Most of the movies they were playing at this 18-screen cinema looked awful, but they happened to be playing "Paris, Je T'aime," which I had heard was good, so we bought our tickets. Long story short: GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

That night: Food, food and more food.

The next day: Kenko Reflexology and Fish Spa. What is a fish spa, you might ask? Well, just watch this video:

Yes, that's correct, we paid 38 ringgit each to have hundreds of little fish suction the dead skin off of our legs for 30 minutes. At first, I didn't think I could last 2 minutes, as you can see above, but after about 5 minutes you kind of get used to it, and it's actually pretty zen. Anna had done it in Korea and was the first person to tell us it even existed, so when we saw it we had to do it. Overall, I recommend it. Thanks Anna!

The first few unbearable minutes

Then I got used to it

That night: KLCC shopping center to see another movie. This time, we saw "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead." Long story short: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE.

All of these experiences, even simply the fact that we were able to see movies that were rated R, made Ez and I think about just how big the culture clash just between KL and Terengganu really is. Do we really know Malaysia? If the capital city felt this different, and often times scandalous (I wore a short-sleeved shirt!), was Terengganu representative at all of Malaysia as a whole? Probably not. Granted, we do not yet know what they rest of Malaysia is like, but my suspicion is that it is more like KL. What we have here in Terengganu, we realize, is unfortunately an endangered species. The culture, the norms, the values, the beliefs are all more intense and concentrated here, if not entirely different from the rest of the country, and most likely, they are not going to last much longer.

On the one hand, I feel relieved that things might become a little more open here, but mostly it makes me sad. I can't help feeling that what we are experiencing here and now, might never be the same again. It also made us wonder... what is our role in this change? Personally, my intentions here are humble I think-- experience a new culture for myself, teach English, and represent the good and peaceful side of America to Malaysians. But, it does make you think... are we just paving the way for more outside influences to flood in? Will this affect Terengganu positively, or wipe out all that makes it unique? I don't know. Ez's post on this is really good if you want to check it out.

That's all for me for now... Ez and I have a 10-day break starting this Friday, and we will be traveling to Vietnam! We're meeting Fay and Peter in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) and are super excited to travel with them. I probably won't post before then, but hopefully I can do it from there, and definitely as soon as we get back.

Check out the new photos!

Love,

Sarah