It's Up to You

Last week, I was almost sure that my life until August 7th, 2008, was going to be a living hell. Well, I'd like to change my vote for the moment. I feel the best right now that I have at any point in the past 6 months. I really didn't see it coming, but for every second of the last 48 hours, I have been happy.

It started last week actually, when something amazing happened at the end of my Form 1 class. Usually, after class in the lower forms, all of the girls will line up at the door as I am walking out to give me the traditional salaam (clasping hands, them putting their foreheads to my hand, and touching our hearts afterwards). This end of class tradition began the same way that day as any other. But, something new and exciting happened. Now, remember, in Terengganu, women and men don't touch. That means no hugging, no shaking hands, and often no eye contact. Well, as the last girl in the class and I both touched our hands to our hearts, I looked out to see one of the boys, granted one of the delightfully mischievous ones, standing in front of me with his hand outstretched.

I paused for a second and looked around me. The boys were all giggling, and the girls looked just as curious about what was about to happen as I was. So, amidst quiet gasps and giggles, I clasped his hand in mine, and he touched it with his forehead just as politely as all the girls had done. Before I had time to reflect on what had just happened, the flood gates had opened. The boys had formed a messy little line by the door and each one touched their heads to my hand and uttered a shy little "Thank you, Ms." I think I must have looked pretty shocked because they were all giggling as I left the classroom.

It might seem strange to you, but this little incident made me sublimely happy. At first it was just because these 13-year old boys are so adorable (they all look/seem like they are about 6 years old) and all year I've had to stop myself from affectionately patting them on the heads (a double faux pas) or giving them encouraging taps on their shoulders. I never realized how important physical contact is in establishing a personal connection, but there it is. Even after simply shaking hands with these boys, I felt like I knew them a thousand times better.

Then, as I thought about it more, I realized that feeling closer to my students wasn't the only reason this moment was so important. Sure, it also means that they like me and feel comfortable with me but, more importantly, it means that my being here has encouraged them to be more open-minded and follow their hearts, not just the rules dictated to them by society. It's not revolutionary or anything, but maybe just a small seed of change that will help them create a more open and accepting society. That hope is enough to make all the BS worth it, and my last weeks here more meaningful.

Also, I realized how in all of my classes, the students are constantly asking me questions like "which type of paper should I use?" and "should I write about a girl or a boy?" and since I want to foster their creativity, I always say, "it's up to you." I don't think they hear that too often, because they always seem so pleasantly surprised that I would let them make a choice of their own. In fact, I haven't been hearing it that often myself lately either, so I decided to make that my motto, encouraging the kids to make their own choices, and reminding myself that my experience here is what I make of it.

After that, I think I was able to drop my guard a little bit, and with it, hopefully, all of my negativity. I took my new spirit of hope and freedom of choice with me throughout the next few days, and I plan to expand it as much as I can before I leave. Otherwise, what am I here for? Certainly it's not to complain.

So, to make a long story even longer, here are some moments of joy from the last few days:

Hari Korperasi

What better way to give the students and teachers a break than to declare Tuesday, June 24th, Hari Korperasi, aka, School Store Day! I have never seen or heard of a school that would celebrate their school store by canceling classes, hosting a 3 hour ceremony with 'inspiring' speeches from local government officials, 2 hours of dancing and martial arts performances, a clothing drive, a car wash, and a raffle. It was delightful. I spent the day schmoozing with the kids, eating fruit salad "made especially for Ms. Sarah" by my favorite students, playing petanque with the cranky teachers, and winning a prize in the raffle. Well, sort of winning a prize. At the end of the raffle when almost all the prizes had been given out (maybe 20 or so), we were all waiting to hear who the last winner would be. Like any normal raffle, they were calling out numbers, and the owner of the lucky number would win. So I sat there with my friend Tihah, both of us jokingly praying that our numbers would be called, when we heard, "And the winning number is, our ETA Ms. Sarah!" It was in Malay of course, so all I heard was my name. Utterly confused, I accepted my goody bag and went back to Tihah. I still don't understand what happened, but hey, free cookies!

Hugs

Ez and I went to another school in our town today to see some of the other ETAs who were gathered there for a drama competition. Unexpectedly, I got to meet two of my email pen pals from Ellie's school, Yana and Mira, both Form 2, who I have been corresponding with for months but figured I'd never meet. But, there they were, and they gave me some of the best hugs ever!!! Hugs here are few and far between, so this more than made my day. Thanks, girls!

Lime Shampoo

Yesterday, one of the teachers commented to me that my hair was very dry, and she was absolutely right. I told her that my hair wasn't used to such intense heat, and also that the ends were probably a bit damaged from not getting a haircut in 6 months. She had no idea what I was saying of course, but told me she would bring me some "lemon cream" to fix it. Ok, sounds good. So today, she hands me a bag of 3 limes and says, "squeeze, scrub, wait, rinse." I tried it about 20 minutes ago. I have to say, I'm impressed with the results. My hair feels soft, and smells lovely. I wasn't expecting to have pithy bits stuck in my scalp, but maybe those will go away tomorrow.

Liza

Recently, a Form 4 girl has stopped being shy with me and has been talking to me for hours every day. It's wonderful. Her name is Liza, and she speaks English excellently, probably the best in the entire school. Tonight she had me promise to sit and talk with her in the cafeteria so that we could talk about more "interesting things" than we can on campus with all the teachers around. I was expecting a lot of questions about boys, but actually she had something different in mind. We discussed, what she called, having "the open mind." She told me that this was important to her, because not many people she knew had "the open mind." We talked for an hour, until I got sleepy and decided to end our chat with a cheesy summary of what we could both take away from the conversation (truly in the Malay style). Try not to cringe too much, but I said something like, "well, now we both agree that it is more important to be open-minded and follow your heart than it is to do what other people want you to do. Remember, you can do and be anything you want, it's up to you." She smiled of course, and laughed a little, saying, "Ms. Sarah, you always say that. After you leave, every time I say 'it's up to you,' I will think of you."

I will think of you too, Liza. Thank you.